Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Finals time is not my favorite time

I'm waiting for my Dante in English class to begin.  I have five papers due in these last three days of the semester.  It's so cold.  My brain is fried.  How am I going to study for finals, which start in three days?

This is insane.

I think my stress has infiltrated my dreams.  I've been having incredibly vivid nightmares that always involve people I love dying.  One dream was a huge storm with multiple tornadoes that keep chasing after me and my people.  Another was a dream of my mother discovering that she was dying of sudden, invasive cancer.  Another dream was me running around a labyrinth with glass walls, where just beyond the panes of glass are my friends and family, crying.

Damn.  I need less stress in my life.  These nightmares are completely and utterly exhausting.

Thank goodness for Offbeat Bride/Mama.  Though I am neither as of yet, their stories are so fun.  I love learning about other people's life experiences.  Great study break, too.

Pushing Daisies, Mad Men, and Firefly will get me through finals--I hope.

Monday, December 6, 2010

thoughts on the future

Though I'm not in any relationship, I've come to the realization over the past year that I've done a complete 180 on my thoughts on having a kid.  I used to think "never!" or "only if I adopt."  Now?  I'm completely and hopelessly wanting kids in my future.

I'm the kind of person that tries to think globally about everything.  I want to preserve the Earth for the future.  I want to see less violence and more love.  I used to think that having a kid would only be another carbon-consuming mouth in the world.  I would be so afraid of kids:  what if the one I raise ends up being a horrible serial killer?  Another dirty, lying politician?  Do I really want that to be my kid?

But I've come to the realization that I am truly responsible for how I'm to raise this hypothetical child.  If I have a boy, I'll raise him to respect women, to treat them as his equal, to reject the hypermasculinity that is so rampant in Western culture.  If I have a girl, I'll raise her to be kick-ass (not literally!), to stand up for herself, to make her own decisions in life.  If my kid is gay, bi, trans, whatever, they can be that, and I will love them no less.  I will teach my kids to love all other beings on this earth, to care for nature and all her wonders.  I will.  This is my promise to myself.

I hope my kids think I'm weird when they're little, yet that they appreciate my lessons when they start growing "up."

On a related note, I love looking up kid names.  It's so much fun to imagine these little people that may work their way into your life.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


My life has changed drastically since I last posted.  Though I wear makeup each and everyday, I have found a set number of products that work for me.  Essentially, I have downgraded.  I wear liquid black eyeliner, black mascara, my face powder, and maybe blush or some eyeshadow.  Very low-maintenance.  I've just shifted focus toward my studies, as I really want to stay on track for going to grad school for library science.

Thus, my blog will no longer be the makeup/beauty focused blog of the past.  Instead, I'll write about whatever the hell I want, like it or not.  If I need an outlet, this'll be it.

I hope that whoever is reading this is not disappointed.  Maybe I'll still share an occasional purchase, but for now this diva is out of the building.  Welcome to me, uncensored.