Finals time is not my favorite time

I'm waiting for my Dante in English class to begin.  I have five papers due in these last three days of the semester.  It's so cold.  My brain is fried.  How am I going to study for finals, which start in three days?

This is insane.

I think my stress has infiltrated my dreams.  I've been having incredibly vivid nightmares that always involve people I love dying.  One dream was a huge storm with multiple tornadoes that keep chasing after me and my people.  Another was a dream of my mother discovering that she was dying of sudden, invasive cancer.  Another dream was me running around a labyrinth with glass walls, where just beyond the panes of glass are my friends and family, crying.

Damn.  I need less stress in my life.  These nightmares are completely and utterly exhausting.

Thank goodness for Offbeat Bride/Mama.  Though I am neither as of yet, their stories are so fun.  I love learning about other people's life experiences.  Great study break, too.

Pushing Daisies, Mad Men, and Firefly will get me through finals--I hope.

thoughts on the future

Though I'm not in any relationship, I've come to the realization over the past year that I've done a complete 180 on my thoughts on having a kid.  I used to think "never!" or "only if I adopt."  Now?  I'm completely and hopelessly wanting kids in my future.

I'm the kind of person that tries to think globally about everything.  I want to preserve the Earth for the future.  I want to see less violence and more love.  I used to think that having a kid would only be another carbon-consuming mouth in the world.  I would be so afraid of kids:  what if the one I raise ends up being a horrible serial killer?  Another dirty, lying politician?  Do I really want that to be my kid?

But I've come to the realization that I am truly responsible for how I'm to raise this hypothetical child.  If I have a boy, I'll raise him to respect women, to treat them as his equal, to reject the hypermasculinity that is so rampant in Western culture.  If I have a girl, I'll raise her to be kick-ass (not literally!), to stand up for herself, to make her own decisions in life.  If my kid is gay, bi, trans, whatever, they can be that, and I will love them no less.  I will teach my kids to love all other beings on this earth, to care for nature and all her wonders.  I will.  This is my promise to myself.

I hope my kids think I'm weird when they're little, yet that they appreciate my lessons when they start growing "up."

On a related note, I love looking up kid names.  It's so much fun to imagine these little people that may work their way into your life.

Changes

My life has changed drastically since I last posted.  Though I wear makeup each and everyday, I have found a set number of products that work for me.  Essentially, I have downgraded.  I wear liquid black eyeliner, black mascara, my face powder, and maybe blush or some eyeshadow.  Very low-maintenance.  I've just shifted focus toward my studies, as I really want to stay on track for going to grad school for library science.

Thus, my blog will no longer be the makeup/beauty focused blog of the past.  Instead, I'll write about whatever the hell I want, like it or not.  If I need an outlet, this'll be it.

I hope that whoever is reading this is not disappointed.  Maybe I'll still share an occasional purchase, but for now this diva is out of the building.  Welcome to me, uncensored.

I won a Temptalia giveaway... what?!

How did I forget abou this in my last post?!

While I was on vacation, I got an email that said I won the MAC Petticoat MSF giveaway.  I was in shock!  I always enter Christine/Temptalia's contests, but I NEVER expect to win, because she has SO many entries with every giveaway.  I never imagined that I'd actually WIN anything!  I double checked the email about a thousand times because I thought I may be scammed, but it was from Christine!

I can't wait to get my prize in the mail.  I love me some MSFs!  I'm semi-hoping my Petticoat doesn't have a ton of veining, but you can't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

I'm still in shock.  I won a Temptalia giveaway! :D

UD Naked, new hair color, and maintaining my pale (a quickie).

My mom got me an Urban Decay Naked palette (and one for herself) as an early birthday gift.  I'm a neutrals girl through and through, but this palette is far from boring and repetitive.  You can find a thousand reviews online, but I just want to say that this is an amazing palette, you should get it, etc.

I just got back from a trip to the beach, and I'm very proud to say that I did gain any color!  I tan in an instant, so I used at least SPF 50 (mostly 70) everyday and limited my direct sun exposure.  My color is still my pale best!

I have to go to school in three days (I can't wait to get back!), so I had to recolor my hair.  Reading reviews on Makeup Alley, Revlon Colorsilk runs dark in its brunette shades and, seeing as I bought Soft Black, I decided to do a strand test.  I'm so happy I did!  Instead of giving myself harsh, jet-black hair by leaving it on for the full 25 minutes, I put it on my roots for 6 minutes, then distributed it on the rest of my hair for maybe 5 minutes.  Ta-da! Super-dark brown hair that is almost black.  Holy grail?  I think so!

tales of a boxed-hair-dye queen

Hello, my name is Erin. And I have a tumultuous, dirty affair with hair color.

I think it started when I was having a discussion with my Girl Scout friends about what color my hair was back in seventh grade. It was completely virgin hair, and it was smack dab in the middle of a dark blonde and a light brown. It's a stupid thing to have an identity crisis over, but it was something I had been "struggling" with for a while. I was just starting to look at makeup, and I was trying to find advice on colors to wear--everything was divided into skin color and hair color. My friends, loyal and goofy as they were (and are), debated whether my hair was light enough to be considered a dirty blonde, or if it was just dark enough to cross the line into brunette territory. One of the GS leaders overheard our light conversation and had this to say:

"Erin, I would say you have dishwater blonde hair."

Okay, dirty blonde is bad enough. She's the grungy older sister of the princess blonde. But dishwater blonde?? How can that describe someone's hair color! I was revolted by this notion--the idea of disgusting, used water that we used to clean our plates as a descriptor for my hair?

From that point forth, I begged my mom for highlights. It took me months, but I finally drove my mother crazy with my pleading. A couple of hours and $100+ later, I left a WAY-over-priced salon with bleach blonde bangs and Vegas-stripper-thick highlights. Maybe that would be becoming of someone... somewhere, but on my wavy-frizzy, thick hair, it was nothing short of a hot mess. Needless to say, I never set foot in a salon for color again, and the closest highlights have ever come to my head was when I was doing my sister's highlights years later (I have to say, I do a pretty banging job, too).

Fast forward to tenth grade. I wanted another hair transformation. My hair was shorter, I cut my bangs horribly crooked, and I was in a messy Hot Topic emo/goth phase that was completely unbecoming. Enter the box dye. My mom wouldn't let me do permanent, so during the summer I started dyeing my hair with demi-permanent auburn dyes.

Looking back, it was another hair nightmare.

The initial color on my hair was a vivid berry-red that accentuated every pimple on my face, but I thought I looked so stunning and unique. It faded to an orange-copper at my roots quite quickly, yet for some reason I thought I should hold onto that color for another year. Finally, I decided that *maybe* the color wasn't cutting it, so I dyed my hair a medium warm brown.

Looking back on my color, anything labeled "warm" or "golden" will turn orange at my roots way, way too soon.

I finally found my color at the beginning of college, when I went dark brown. I have blue eyes and a fairly light complexion, so the dark hair (in my opinion) made me look all the more unique, especially coming from a high school where almost every girl went blonde and went tanning. I had previously been told that I looked like Gilmore Girl's main actress, Alexis Bledel, but after I went darker and my hair was longer, it was a constant barrage--not that I'm complaining!

My next hair venture is not too far from home--where I've been for pretty much the past three years--soft black. I will never--NEVER--go blue-black, but a soft black has been my ideal for a long time, since almost every brown I've tried has gone warm at the roots and grow-out. My mom can't even remember what my real color looks like (I can't really remember, either), and now we both love what I do with my hair.

I've been a die-hard (dye-hard?) Clairol Natural Instincts (demi-permanent) user since the beginning with only a few misbegotten forays into Feria permanent color, only to return with my tail between my legs four weeks later. My vegetarian and animal-welfare side has won out, though, so now I'm trying Revlon ColorSilk, a brand that proudly advertises its no-animal-testing stance. I've heard amazing things about its brown-to-black hues, plus the price is half of what I've been paying for years. MUA reviews have been pretty positive about the color.

I can't wait to step into my shower.

My other little sister, who wouldn't touch highlights with a 78-foot pole, wants to go either darker or auburn. I want to tell her to keep her beautiful, virgin medium-brown curly hair alone, but I know how it feels to be told to keep your natural beauty. She's 15, the age where I decided that red hair would rock. I can completely and utterly empathize. Besides, sometimes it takes a bottle of color to love the way you look. I can't imagine not having dark hair. It is completely and utterly me.

An updated products post...

Shampoo: Pantene Color Solutions--Smooth

Conditioner: Pantene Color Solutions--Smooth

Shower gel: Caress Evenly Gorgeous (bar soap)

Styling products: Moroccan Oil, Tresemme Naturals Mousse, Umberto hair spray

Body moisturizer: N/A

Deodorant: Secret Smooth Effects in Wildflower Fresh

Fake Tan: N/A

Foundation: MUFE HD in 115 Ivory

Cleanser: Cetaphil

Exfoliator: Some blackhead scrub with salicylic acid

Primer: Fix +

Foundation Brush: Fingers, EcoTools retractable Kabuki

Powder: MAC MSFN

Concealer: Revlon Age Defying Moisturizing in Light-Medium, Bobbi Brown Creamy Correcter in Light Bisque

Blush: MAC Pink Swoon, Benefit Sugarbomb

Bronzer: N/A

Highlighter: MAC By Candelight

Eyeshadow Base: TFSI or MAC's Paint Pots

Eyeshadows: MAC Sable, MAC Carbon

Eyeliner: Milani Liquif'eyes in Black or Brown, Maybelline EyeStudio gel liner in Blackest Black

Lash Curler: I think it's CoverGirl... it's ancient!

Mascara: MAC Opulash, L'Oreal Carbon Black Voluminous

Lipstick: MAC Viva Glam Cyndi

Lipgloss: Sally Hansen 12-Hour Treatment in Flawless

Nail colour: Sephora by OPI's Brunette on the Internet