Finals time is not my favorite time

I'm waiting for my Dante in English class to begin.  I have five papers due in these last three days of the semester.  It's so cold.  My brain is fried.  How am I going to study for finals, which start in three days?

This is insane.

I think my stress has infiltrated my dreams.  I've been having incredibly vivid nightmares that always involve people I love dying.  One dream was a huge storm with multiple tornadoes that keep chasing after me and my people.  Another was a dream of my mother discovering that she was dying of sudden, invasive cancer.  Another dream was me running around a labyrinth with glass walls, where just beyond the panes of glass are my friends and family, crying.

Damn.  I need less stress in my life.  These nightmares are completely and utterly exhausting.

Thank goodness for Offbeat Bride/Mama.  Though I am neither as of yet, their stories are so fun.  I love learning about other people's life experiences.  Great study break, too.

Pushing Daisies, Mad Men, and Firefly will get me through finals--I hope.

thoughts on the future

Though I'm not in any relationship, I've come to the realization over the past year that I've done a complete 180 on my thoughts on having a kid.  I used to think "never!" or "only if I adopt."  Now?  I'm completely and hopelessly wanting kids in my future.

I'm the kind of person that tries to think globally about everything.  I want to preserve the Earth for the future.  I want to see less violence and more love.  I used to think that having a kid would only be another carbon-consuming mouth in the world.  I would be so afraid of kids:  what if the one I raise ends up being a horrible serial killer?  Another dirty, lying politician?  Do I really want that to be my kid?

But I've come to the realization that I am truly responsible for how I'm to raise this hypothetical child.  If I have a boy, I'll raise him to respect women, to treat them as his equal, to reject the hypermasculinity that is so rampant in Western culture.  If I have a girl, I'll raise her to be kick-ass (not literally!), to stand up for herself, to make her own decisions in life.  If my kid is gay, bi, trans, whatever, they can be that, and I will love them no less.  I will teach my kids to love all other beings on this earth, to care for nature and all her wonders.  I will.  This is my promise to myself.

I hope my kids think I'm weird when they're little, yet that they appreciate my lessons when they start growing "up."

On a related note, I love looking up kid names.  It's so much fun to imagine these little people that may work their way into your life.

Changes

My life has changed drastically since I last posted.  Though I wear makeup each and everyday, I have found a set number of products that work for me.  Essentially, I have downgraded.  I wear liquid black eyeliner, black mascara, my face powder, and maybe blush or some eyeshadow.  Very low-maintenance.  I've just shifted focus toward my studies, as I really want to stay on track for going to grad school for library science.

Thus, my blog will no longer be the makeup/beauty focused blog of the past.  Instead, I'll write about whatever the hell I want, like it or not.  If I need an outlet, this'll be it.

I hope that whoever is reading this is not disappointed.  Maybe I'll still share an occasional purchase, but for now this diva is out of the building.  Welcome to me, uncensored.